HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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