went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
