I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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