im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
