Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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