I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
