I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
