Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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