and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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