Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
