Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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