All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
