You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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