we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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