I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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