drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
