the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize