HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
