I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
