Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
