What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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