Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
