people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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