i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
