Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
