I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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