He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
