my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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