i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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