Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
