All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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