Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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