Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
