Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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