Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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