Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
that's an acceptable place to lick
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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