I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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