It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
