ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
