Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize