We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
