no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
