NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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