The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize