turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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