Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
third nipple confirmed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
