The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize