How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
