Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
