She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
is it fun? or sober?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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