Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
