i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
