Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
