i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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