I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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