I wish my penis had an off switch
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
