I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
