So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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