you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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