It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The uberlube is also flammable
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
