Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
