You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
