there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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