But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
