in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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