Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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