Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
