yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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