I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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