i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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