why didn't you poke me back
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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