I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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