her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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